The best thing is to just get out there and give hand jobs to the poor. Feed some sizzurp to hungry grandmas and turn away from the oozing teets of Satan that are poisoning the world with a narrative that ends in the white light of a nuclear apocalypse instead of a technologically enhanced Dionysian planetary orgy. So ice down those balls, friends. Powder your balls and go out into the world and put a blanket on an old person. French kiss a nun. Rub tits with your friends. Go to a swimming pool and save a kid. Do whatever it takes, but just don’t let the horrific subjective universe of Nancy Grace and her vampiric ilk poison your mood state and transform your pineal gland into the withered old scrotum of a gonorrheal sailor ejaculating negative thought patterns into the depths of your brain.
by Duncan Trussell
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